OPINION: I'm a Mets fan on Twitter, and I am 100% certain that the Mets are an utter failure
Twelve games have told me all I need to know — my baseball intuition is unparalleled, although I'm too humble to boast about it.
I am a Mets fan on Twitter, but I’m also a deeply intuitive person. My baseball instincts are unmatched. If I wasn’t so humble, I would call myself a genius. So trust me: the Mets are in trouble.
Seriously, people: if you still think that the Mets are just fine, you need to stop “peddling the company line.” The Mets have played twelve games, and have you seen how bad they look? That’s not something that can just change overnight! Wake up!
Look at the facts here. James McCann is batting .235. Pete Alonso is batting .227. Jeff McNeil is batting .162. Francisco Lindor is batting .171. Michael Conforto is batting .184. I’ve seen enough baseball in my life to know that the Mets have serious problems. Some people will say “twelve games isn’t enough,” but to those people, I say: it’s the Wilpons all over again! Pull your head out of the sand!
Francisco Lindor can no longer hit for power or average. That doesn’t make me happy: I’m just reporting the facts that I’ve learned from twelve games of incredibly focused observation. Face it: if Francisco Lindor was still a good hitter, wouldn’t he be a better hitter right now? It’s just logic. The Mets should sit him down for six to nine weeks and let Luis Guillorme play shortstop. As we’ve seen from the first twelve games of the season, Lindor is obviously going to be our biggest problem this season.
The Wilpon sheep will yammer about how Jeff McNeil has hit above .300 with an OBP above .380 every season of his career. Well, if Jeff McNeil is so good, why isn’t he batting .300 with an OBP above .380 RIGHT NOW? As far as I’m concerned, these twelve games have taught me everything I need to know about this Mets team, and it does not look good. The Mets aren’t going to get any better: you might as well end the season right now. I grant you, if you ended the season right now, the Mets would win the division, which is not, in a technical sense, a bad thing, but still. Wake up! McNeil might be our biggest problem this year.
Michael Conforto wants a contract extension? Really? How about a contract CONTRACTION? (can you believe I just thought of that?). Michael Conforto this season has basically — bear in mind I have observed all twelve games of the season with laser focus and pinpoint analysis — been Satan. Really, Michael? Batting .184 after 12 games? Frankly, no player who has ever batted .184 over 12 games deserves to play professional baseball, and you may quote me on that. The Mets should immediately release every player they have who has ever batted .184 or worse over 12 games, and if that results in the disappearance of the Mets franchise, well, sometimes that is the price you have to pay for real success. I have a bad feeling — well, it’s more of an unabashed certainty, but like I said, I am humble — that Michael Conforto will be our biggest problem this season.
And James McCann — don’t get me started! Everybody with half a pulse knows that J.T. Realmuto is the better player, but the Mets went out and signed this dime-store version? He’s a .235 hitter! How can anyone be okay with a catcher who, twelve games into the season, is batting .235? Frankly, the fact that James McCann would survive my “release everyone who has ever batted .184 or worse over twelve games” test is making me rethink the whole premise. Maybe the bar should increase to .235. Yes, that would result in the immediate release of half the Mets roster, but if the Mets are going to build a “winning culture” — I know exactly what a “winning culture” is, but I’m not going to take the trouble of defining it; all I can tell you is that it’s the key to winning, far more than any ridiculous notion like “good players” — they’ll have to teach their players to be tough. Unfortunately, it’s undeniable: James McCann will be our biggest problem this season.
Yes folks, you need to wake up. Don’t fall for “Wilpon Lite,” a nickname I invented myself, not that I am boasting, although I would if I wasn’t so humble. As the first twelve games of the season have conclusively revealed, the Mets are a failure. Sure, they’re 7-5 and there’s some room to improve on offense and the pitching has been great, and common sense says they’ll be fine — but are you really going to trust common sense? The Mets have felt like failures for twelve games, and as I’ve learned from my years of intense observation, there’s no coming back from that.